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Pretty Dirty Things

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"UUURRRRHHHHEEWWWWWWW... GET IT AWAY FROM ME"

These are the exact words Em used when I showed her the model I used to test out the new special effects paints from Games Workshop.

This is him -
I think someone should go visit the 'special' Doctor.

I really love this model, but not being either a Nurgle or Choas player I've never really had an excuse to paint him. Until now! The sculpt, the details and the pose all really sit well with me. It's a reasonably straight forward model but it still has such a dominating presence for me. Also, it only has two skulls on it!

I'm serious, you might have an infection there.


With the paint job I wanted to have a bit of a play with the new paints and decided this chap would work really well looking like he's just been dredged up from the bottom of a lake. The skin was base coated in Tallern Flesh/Thunderhawk Blue. then I kept adding Dwarf Flesh and Pallid Wych Flesh until it was pure Wych Flesh. I used Dawnstone to fill in the open sores and then piled in some Blood for the Blood God. Once that was dry I painted in some Nurgle's Rot into the bottom edge of the sore, letting a little bit of it run over.

I'm just going to go ahead and book you an appointment at the clinic.

The Armour was Lead Belcher washed with Tyhpus Corrosion followed by Athonian Camoshade. Then a few touches of Runefang Steel and Nihilakh Oxide just to finish it up. The base was Agrellan Earth and Mordhiem Tufts.

At least let me put a plaster on that.

So, what do I think? Well:

Blood for the Blood God - Pretty much exactly what is says it is. It's blood, that is shiny, gloopy, and drys with a slight transparency (look closely at the blade of the axe to see what I mean). I know one can get to the same finish with mixing inks and glosses and all sorts, but this is just so much easier than all that faff.

Nihilakh Oxide - Really nice colour to this one, and dries with a powdery finish. Looks pretty damn good. Just be warned, it's pretty runny. 

Agrellan Earth - Anything that make basing easier is a win in my book. Just make sure you gloop it on thick enough. GW say, not too thick and not too thin but that is really too vague to be helpful. The base here was 2mm to 3mm thick. There you go, actual numbers, not subjective wishy washy nonsense.

Nurgle's Rot - Acts a lot like BFTBG but it is green. It's also pretty disgusting. I'm not so familiar with infectous oozes but I'm fairly sure I don't want to found out how close these look. That is a job for someone with a stronger stomach. 

Typhus Corrosion - It's just like Earthshade, but a little darker and had grit in it. Gives an awesome texture to the finish and makes a wonderful surface to drybrush over. I used two coats to get a really heavy filth going on but one would work for most purposes. One thing you should remember, those little gritty bits get everywhere, just like glitter, but not as shiny. So remember to clean your brushes properly and change your water afterwards otherwise you'll get texture in places one shouldn't have texture. I learnt this one the hard way. 

Ryza Rust - I didn't actually use this one here but I did have a play with it. It certainly far more consistent than using Blazing Orange and is great for dry brushing and stippling. I'm still not convinced it's going to replace weathering powders for me in all cases. Yes, it's going to be far more durable in a gaming situation but it's just much much harder to get it to fill the crevices like a weathering powder. There might be some mileage in using both. Powders for the nooks and Ryza Rust for the areas that are likely to be handled in game. 

Over all I like these additions to the range. Yes, one can duplicate all of these affects with mixtures of various different products, but this makes it so much easier, and for the normal gaming painters like me, I'm far more likely to use them in when they are easily to hand.

Oh, for those who know me. Painting a "one off" model like this usually triggers some form of project for me. If that is going to happen this time, and I dive headlong into the clammy arms of grandfather Nurgle, only time will tell. 

Thanks
Maisey





The Hochland Gazette [Issue 1]

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Good morrow all! The last update on our little war in Hochland was in July, and rather unsurprisingly, an assload of stuff has occurred in the interim. To keep things fresh (so fresh) this post will present some of said happenings via the medium of bullet points, prose, and a fake newspaper.

First, the bullet points. Like the written equivalent of those clips they play at the start of any given HBO series. Previously, in Hochland...

- The Hochland state army laid siege to the de Crécy’s stronghold at Hovelhof and has kept them contained there for the last four months, despite several breakout attempts. Said breakout attempts were quite meaty. See below:

Maisey observes his minions from behind the safety of Hovelhof's gate.

- The Bittermoon Goblins still control a big chunk of the Drakwald and the Old Forest Road.
- The Skaven still lurk in Hergig, apparently lurking for the sake of lurking.
- Splendiferus the Magnificent has been hiding in the woods for months now.
- The Stormbournes have started serious renovation work on Karak Hoch.
- During one of the de Crécy’s early attempts to break out of Hovelhof, Amelia von Lessing and Phillippe de Crécy engaged each other in a magical duel. Phillippe was better prepared this time and, keen to get his revenge for suffering the Fate of Bjuna, put Amelia in a death-like coma.

What with Amelia being – so far – one of Hochland’s most effective defences against the vampires, her loss was not one the Empire was prepared to suffer. Naturally, the only option was a HEROIC QUEST OF HEROICNESS. Cue Cedric, Dwalin, Captain Rainer, Captain Thiele, Stromni's Wanderers and seventy dead beastmen outside the walls of Koerin. Good times.

Night-time shenanigans!

And now, here’s a bit of stuff that says... stuff. About what done happened. To Amelia.

* * *

Amelia von Lessing awoke to the sight of a weird-smelling druid wreathed in pipe smoke. As she stared blearily up at him, her last memory rolled back into her mind: a pale-faced knight swathed in a tattered black cloak galloping towards her, bellowing a curse in Ancient Khemrian.

She was in an unfamiliar bedroom. Beneath the cloying musk of meadowsweet there was a suggestion of embalming fluid.

With an awkward smile, the druid stood aside. Behind him, filling the lower half of the doorway, was Dwalin. Amelia tried to speak, but her dry tongue caught against the back of her mouth.

“Three months,” Dwalin said in answer to her unspoken question. Her eyes widened in panic. If she’d been gone for three months, anything could have... “Don’t worry, the bastard’s not been able to get out of Hovelhof,” Dwalin added, tamping his pipe. She slumped back onto the pillow with relief. Slowly, as she emerged from the long sleep, her body started to send signals to her mind. Her limbs were cold, and tingling. She felt empty. At first she took it for hunger, but she soon realised it was more than that. Something was missing.

For the first time in her life, she couldn’t sense the winds of magic.
               
She needed to get back to the Amethyst College as quickly as possible. Seeing Dwalin’s bitter disappointment, she promised that when – and if – her abilities returned, she would travel to Karak Hoch and do whatever was needed to repay her debt to the Stormbournes. First, though, she needed to buy passage down the River Drakwasser, and then the Talabec, all the way to Altdorf.

Captain Rainer, who (like Dwalin) had been involved in finding the druid, offered to escort her to the docks. She’d been wary of his motives when she first met him, but it felt unfair to remain suspicious of someone after they’d risked their life for hers.

Having dressed, and eaten her first meal in three months, she left the boarding house with Rainer and his band of halberdiers. Outside, it was painfully bright. Now, the guilt was starting to sink in; people had lost their lives just to wake her up. She leaned heavily on her staff as she shuffled down the road, struggling to pay attention to Rainer’s faltering small talk.

They entered a narrow street. “A shortcut,” Rainer explained. She didn’t recognise it, but then, she barely knew the town. Indeed, a town that named itself ‘Bergsburg’ hardly seemed to know itself.

Halfway down the road, Rainer gave a hand signal, at which the halberdiers rushed up alongside and around the two of them, their grips nervously tightening around their weapons. Her shoulders slumped, and she gazed south in the direction of Altdorf. Yep, that was stupid of me.

“Amelia von Lessing,” Captain Rainer said, “By the authority of Count Theoderic Gausser of Nordland, I am arresting you for the murder of your father, General von Lessing.”

* * *

Short version of the above: YAY.

On a more humorous note, I made an Imperial newspaper to cover a lot of what’s happened subsequently:


The above image is big enough to read when expanded (clicky click click), but if you don’t fancy reading Germanic fonts, the text is provided below:

THE HOCHLAND GAZETTE

Published by Ernst Drucker & Sons of Tussenhof on 12th Kaldezeit 2254 I.C.
[ Price: 4 shillings ]
Containing the surest news and firmest advice every Angestag & Aubentag



Calamity! De Crécy brothers break out of Hovelhof.
The state army’s four month besiegement of the most vile brothers de Crécy has been broken by underhanded trickery of the worst kind. The vampires’ minions dug tunnels beneath our honourable soldiers’ encampment, who were beset from below by all manner of foul creatures. Dismayed, the army was scattered, and the Brettonian devils are once again abroad in fair Hochland. Speaking from the Margrave’s palace in Tussenhof, the most hon. Count Ludenhof has urged our brothers and sisters in the north to hold steady whilst Grand Master von Rüdiger re-gathers our scattered but still highly effective and thoroughly glorious army.

Chaos cult captures Bergendorf.
The peaceful town of Bergendorf, home to the esteemed Baron Georg Helmholtz, has been usurped by worshippers of the ruinous powers. A witch proclaiming himself as “Splendiferus the Magnificent” has claimed lordship over the town and has made slaves of the people there. Bergendorf lies on the western end of the Flaschgang Bridge, opposite the town of Heedenhof, whose Watchmen are presently endeavouring to wrest control of Bergendorf’s Eastgate off Splendiferus’ Norse vagabonds. With Sigmar’s blessing, their perfidy will not be suffered for long, and the town’s people released from their unjust bondage.

Krudenwald overwhelmed by the walking dead!
A necromancer by the name of Konrad Schiller has rendered a most appalling fate on the town of Krudenwald. With Morrslieb’s green light at its strongest on Geheimnisnacht, Schiller blasted his way through the town gates atop an undertaker’s cart drawn by his undead servants and rode through the streets shouting black curses. The few survivors who reached Bergsburg claim that it is only the dead that move in Krudenwald’s streets. Access to the North Road has been shut off until further notice.

Cara Thiele, hero of Koerin, named as Hochland’s Ensign.
Not all news is ill news, fair citizens! Captain Cara Thiele, famous for almost single-handedly keeping the people of Koerin alive during the Storm of Chaos before their rescue by a band of Stormbourne rangers, has been named by Count Ludenhof as Hochland’s Ensign. Her predecessor, Captain Herman Liebemann, was slain at the Battle of the Wolf’s Run nigh on a year ago. She bears one of the oldest banners still in our possession: naught but a white templar cross in a field of red. Count Ludenhof’s message is clear; despite all we have suffered over the last two years, Hochland has—and will—endure through the centuries to come.

Human refugees welcomed in Karak Hoch.
An unexpected solution to the hardships of the refugees surrounding Bergsburg has been offered by Lord Stormbourne of Karak Hoch. Our Dwarf allies are in need of agricultural labourers and hard-working construction assistants to inhabit their outer holdings in the eastern foothills of the middle mountains. Almost a thousand men, women and children were successfully escorted across the province before the disaster at Hovelhof, and the Stormbournes assure us that they are settling into their new homes with great satisfaction.

Amelia von Lessing missing.
A respected representative of Altdorf’s Amethyst College, Miss von Lessing became popular with the army following her instrumental role in a string of victories over the de Crécy brothers that led to the vampires’ confinement in Hovelhof. She was last seen on the 12th Mittherbst in Bergsburg, having been lifted from the death-trance put upon her by Phillippe de Crécy. Any information relating to either her disappearance or current location should be reported immediately to the Watch.

Travel advisories.
-The Old Forest Road south of the ruins of Garssen remains infested with Bittermoon Goblins. Any wishing to travel south are advised to buy passage on only the most heavily armed ships sailing down the River Drakwasser.

-Travel along the Wolf’s Run is still not clear past Hergig.


That’s all for now. Another edition of the Gazette may follow shortly, probably with more whimsy. If you have suggestions of things you think would be funny/amusing in a newspaper of Ye Olde Worlde, leave them in the comments!


~Charlie

The Journal of Cara Thiele

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The festive season has been sitting on my hobby productivity like sumo on kitten, but finally, have this: a slab of fictional endeavour. I've not tried to tell a story with a journal before, and it's pretty fudging different to writing your garden-variety prose, but for those of you willing to venture inward it'll hopefully provide some comedy charm.

A brief reminder: Cara Thiele is my army's battle standard bearer, so obviously, what follows is her origin story. By the end of the story, she looks like this:


Oh, also, this is intended to read like an edited collection of highlights (rather than a record of every single entry Cara wrote from 2253-2254).

Journal
(Property of Cara Thiele of Koerin, Hochland)

12thSigmarzeit 2253 I.C.
I’ve come back home to Koerin for the first time in a year, and Papa told me he’d something to celebrate my promotion. “Something to keep you safe,” he said when he bustled me into his workshop. Bit of an understatement: he’s made me a suit of full plate!

Moving about in it is really hard.

Things to do with new armour:
-Get someone to hit me with a stick.
-Run around the camp twice every morning.
-Learn the sound of different bits of the armour when I hit it (so that I can play a tune).
-Wake up Sergeant Fleischmann by ‘accidentally’ falling over next to him.

I don’t think the armour means Papa’s any happier about my job. I understand why he felt that way when I joined at fifteen, but it's been seven... no, eight years now! Still, can’t thank him enough.


4thSommerzeit 2253 I.C.
I was called by Marshal Fallschturm into my first meeting as a captain today. The other officers are all nobles - graduates of military academies in Nuln and Altdorf. They know about Gottlieb’s Gambit and Kruger’s Refused Flank and a hundred other special phrases, but I’ve had eight years in the field... that’s probably more than the lot of them combined. I can’t wait to show them the value of experience over textbooks.

We’re being dispatched to Ostland, on the orders of the Emperor himself; there’s been word of a Norse attack that’s too big for the locals to handle.

I’ve never fought the northers, but we’ll handle them. Nothing is fiercer than the beastmen we hunt through the Drakwald Forest.

9thVorgeheim 2253 I.C.
Ostland is gone. Nothing but columns of smoke on the horizon.

Grand Master von Rüdiger is leading the army back across the Wolf’s Run, and says we’ll make a stand on the border. Apparently we’re supposed to slow the enemy down, but I don’t see what one battlegroup can do against those numbers.

All the other captains I’ve spoken to agree: we need to retreat and regroup with the rest of our forces, evacuating towns as we go. People need to be warned. Koerin needs to be warned.

10thVorgeheim 2253 I.C.
Today was spent digging earthworks for the artillery. Von Rüdiger talked about duty and honour a lot as he rode around the encampment. “Our sacrifice gives the next Imperial army an easier fight,” he said. It all sounded a bit useless when we saw the enemy vanguard arrive on the far side of the river. Sergeant Thulemann said it was like watching oil spill out of a broken lamp, which everyone except me agreed with (broken glass doesn’t look anything like a forest, and the enemy army isn’t a liquid).

At first the Norse just jeered at us from the far bank, and some of the men jeered back. Wilhelm said they’d never get across the ford under so much cannon fire. Then we realised what they were waiting for. As the daylight died, they started felling trees. They’re building rafts just out of cannon range. This battle’s going to be over in hours, not days.

They say the enemy are marching for Middenheim. If that’s true, all I can think is that Koerin lies right in their path. Everyone I’ve known since I’m a child is going to die. My father is going to die, and I’m just sitting here.


12thVorgeheim 2253 I.C.
If I never make it to Koerin, this is my confession: I disobeyed von Rüdiger’s order to stay and fight. I left whilst it was still dark. Didn’t tell anyone. Couldn’t risk it.

The Heedenhof Surefoots, the Hergig 31st, the Bergendorf Blackshields, thousands more... all gone. They were all good boys, and it’s not the enemy I blame. It’s von Rüdiger.

At least he’ll be just as dead as the soldiers he wasted.

My only hope now is that I reach Koerin before the enemy catch up. It would be easier without my armour, but I think I’m going to need that later.

I know I should be more upset about deserting, about the people I left behind, but right now all I care about is saving Papa. That, and I don’t want the Northmen getting their hands on the sword locked away in the town chapel.

15thVorgeheim 2253 I.C.
Everyone in Koerin has carried whatever provisions they could up into the mountains, but it’s not even harvest month yet. I took the chieftain’s sword from the chapel; Father Matthaus agreed it would be safer with me.

There’s a spot on the western slope of Mount Nahzacken where you can look down on the town. I remember being there one summer when I was ten, maybe eleven. I could see all the fields stretching between the town wall and the forest. Papa told me they looked like a blanket with too many patches on it, and I told him they looked more like fields.


Today I sat there with him again, and we watched the Norse burn the crops.


19thVorgeheim 2253 I.C.
We’ve cut down some trees, and started building cabins. They’ll be pretty basic, but a lot better than nothing when the snows come.

30th  Vorgeheim 2253 I.C.
It’s been two weeks, and there are still more Norse heading west along the road. I doubt there’s anyone left in Norsca.

3rdUlriczeit 2253 I.C.
Old Tomasz died last night. That makes six, after Malthe’s baby last week. We just can’t keep the shelters warm enough.

There was the usual argument over what to do with the body. The ground’s too frozen for digging, and cremation’s too risky. Someone (I’ll not name them here) even pointed out that the bodies have good meat on them. That’s how hungry we are.

19thUlriczeit 2253 I.C.
I’ve given up trying to train the able-bodied men and women. None of us have the strength.

29thJahrdrung 2254 I.C.
There’s been no sign of the enemy or anyone else for months now. Far as we know, the Empire doesn’t exist anymore. If the Norse had been defeated, we would’ve seen some sign of their retreat. So, we’ve come down from the mountains and planted the seeds we took up with us.

Most of Koerin’s houses are damaged or destroyed, and something has blown a big hole in the curtain wall. We’re going to rebuild the houses before we worry about the wall; we’re all sick of the cold.

17thErntzeit 2254 I.C.
We were attacked by a band of ungor raiders last night. We saw them off easily enough. If we’re very, very lucky, that’s the last we’ll see of them.

23rdErntzeit 2254 I.C.
The ungor raiders came back, and they brought a herd of gor with them. With nothing but axes they had no way to get through the gate, but that damn breach in the wall...

Some of the townsfolk remembered a little of what I taught them last winter, and we held the breach, but Ralf and Josepha were badly hurt. I’m not sure if they’ll last until the next dawn. After a few hours the beasts retreated, but they’ve got our scent now, and it’s not like we can send word to the next town asking for help. I doubt the other towns are still there.

Papa’s been helping the others since dawn, filling up the breach with whatever detritus we can find. The rest of us are getting as much rest as we can, but it’s hard to sleep when you’re wearing armour.

24thErntzeit 2254 I.C.
They came back again last night. I asked Father Mattaus for his blessing to use the Chieftain’s Sword, but he said no. It’s cursed, apparently, but he wouldn’t say what the curse was. Probably doesn’t even know.

On the upside, I had no trouble sleeping in my armour today.

25thErntzeit 2254 I.C.
Three more died defending the breach last night. That’s eleven now. Even if the Chieftain’s Sword is cursed, I don’t see how being cursed is worse than being dead.

26thErntzeit 2254 I.C.
When I came walking out of the chapel with the Sword in my hand, Mattaus and Papa both begged me to put it back. Unnatural steel, they said. True enough: it’s a Cherusen piece made before Koerin was even a town. Two thousand years old, and not a single speck of rust. The hilt tingles when you grip it. Of course it scares me, but not as much as the beastmen do.

The first time I took a swing at one of the gor I didn’t even feel the impact, but it went right through his torso. When I looked at the blade by the light of the moon, there wasn’t a single drop of blood on it. I put down a few more gor and the rest backed away, scared. Some of the townsfolk were scared too, but glad to be alive.

28thErntzeit 2254 I.C.
Bastards. We up our game, they up theirs. The beasts came back last night, even more than last time. Even with the sword I couldn’t hold the breach on my own, I needed help, and the people either side of me didn’t have a suit of armour to keep them safe. I can’t be everywhere at once. We’re being bled dry.

We survived the winter, we survived the Norse, and we survived the hunger, just for this instead. It’s disgusting.

[transcriber’s note: the entry below is an approximation due to the poor quality of the handwriting]
32ndErntzeit 2254 I.C.
[...] luck, at last. [...] afternoon [...] jade wizard by the name of Ruprecht Grundwald. Strange man. Keen on his pipeweed, talks to his pet raven. Younger than most wizards I’ve seen. Inexperienced [...] some basic healing spells.

[...] encouraged [poss. ‘by the news that’] Hochland endures. Count Ludenhof is alive! There are still towns in the west that survived. [...] to keep going.

The rest of Hochland thinks [poss. ‘the people of’] Koerin were killed when the town was sacked. The rest of the state thinks we’re dead, and we’ve no way to get word out. The only reason Ruprecht found us [...] plant that only grows on the southern slopes of the [poss. ‘Middle Mountains’].

We’re tired [...] chance.

[transcriber’s note: short of total conjecture, the next two entries are unreadable, and the ink of one of them is smeared, apparently by water]

3rdBrauzeit 2254 I.C.
We’re alive!

Help arrived. A band of dwarf rangers and allied troops from Nordland came looking for Ruprecht (so they didn’t arrive intending to help, but still). They said he was needed to sort out another wizard called Amelia von Somethingorother. She’s been cursed, and they thought a healer like Ruprecht could lift it.

And that’s when the hairy bastard earned my undying respect: he refused to leave until Koerin was safe.

This Amelia woman must be important, because Dwalin (the dwarf leader) didn’t even spend that long thinking about it before he agreed to defend the town. Seeing the dwarfs pitch in, the Nordlanders followed suit, and all of a sudden, we went from me and four villagers to over twenty trained soldiers.

Good thing too; that night would’ve been the one that broke us. Over seventy gor, and this time, they had a minotaur. But between the rangers’ steadiness and a few poison arrows from their halfling assassin (little man called Cedric, I think) we’ve finished them off! The minotaur smashed the gates before the hemlock overcame it, and there’s still a hole in the wall, but the beastman tribe has been wiped out. We’re going to stay for another night just to check it’s clear, and then I’m going with the dwarfs and Nordlanders to Bergsburg to get reinforcements and provisions.

Cara holds the breach with Stromni's Wanderers
and the Salzenmund Chancers.


4thBrauzeit 2254 I.C.
I’ve been speaking to Dwalin. He says Grand Templar Bastard von Rüdiger survived the Battle of the Wolf’s Run, and he’s STILL in charge of the army. No-one could have survived that battle. No-one.

I don’t know what to do. If he ever lays eyes on me, I’ll be executed for desertion.

We buried the dead today. “Going back to the stone,” that’s what the dwarfs called it. Four of them died in the last assault. Apparently one of them was over four hundred years old. I doubt he thought he’d fight his last battle so that a wizard would help another wizard.

5thBrauzeit 2254 I.C.
I left Koerin this morning with the dwarfs and Captain Rainer’s men. When I hugged Papa goodbye, he mumbled something. I asked him to repeat himself. He said, “It still amazes me that anyone would volunteer for a soldier’s life, but if you were a blacksmith, we’d all be dead. Thank you.”

Turns out his approval meant a bit more to me than I realised. Might’ve cried. Pretty embarrassing in front of all the dwarfs.

I left Koerin in high spirits, despite my suicidal plan. Gods willing, I’ll not cross paths with von Rüdiger before I find Count Ludenhof. The Count needs to know why six thousand men and women died, and that his top general is a liability.

If doing that gets me executed, it’ll still be worth it.

* * *

Epilogue

The tale of Koerin’s survival, first told in a Bergsburg tavern by a drunken Nordlander, quickly spread through the refugee camps, and was carried down the River Drakwasser by merchants keen to lift people’s moods (good moods being famous for loosening purse strings).

When Cara arrived in the Tussenhof docks two weeks later, she was immediately accosted by a bard offering a “thoroughly rousing” rendition of The Beast-slaying Beauty of Koerin. She pointed out that he had no way of knowing if the beast-slayer was pretty or not, before adding that she thought lutes were silly instruments.

She headed straight to the Margrave’s palace and requested an audience with the Count. Ludenhof, having already received a pigeon-note from von Rüdiger informing him that the “hero” everyone was talking about was in fact a deserter, was curious to judge Captain Thiele for himself.

After hearing her story, Ludenhof was left in a tricky position. His commander-in-chief wanted this woman’s head on the block, and his people – knowing nothing of her desertion – wanted a figurehead.

He had to concede that von Rüdiger’s strategies had become ever more callous in recent years, but he couldn’t dismiss such a prominent figure on the testimony of one officer. The Grand Master of the Silver Drakes would remain in command of the North, although the Count would be keeping a close eye on him. As for Cara, the answer was obvious: make her the State Ensign. The position had been empty since Archaon’s invasion, and the people needed someone to look up to. Von Rüdiger would just have to keep his grievance a secret.

“What say you, Captain?” Ludenhof asked. Cara sustained her look of amazement. “Yes? No? You seem shocked.”
“I thought you’d ask for my head, Your Grace.”
“And I would, if I thought you were going to disobey another order. But you’re not, are you?”
“No, Your Grace,” she replied.

She hoped it wasn’t a lie.

* * *

That's all, folks. Hopefully you've enjoyed yourselves. We'll be back in the new year with more painting, more waffling, and more whimsy.

~Charlie

Ermagahd, snowy trees!

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I've had a snow board for ages. It's very nice. Didn't have any scenery for it... until now.

Behold, the trees of alpine delight:



What the whole tree-buying experience taught me is that oh dear sweet Hasselhoff do you need a lot of trees to cover a table.It might not look like it, but there's over forty in that photo, and I really haven't covered much of the board.


As much as one answer would be to buy even more trees, my bank balance would probably start looking squiffy. Next on the hit list will be the edges of some mountain slopes, along with some rocky outcrops, so as to make this board look like the mountainous region it needs to be.

In case you're wondering, the trees are by Bachmann Scene Scapes. The biggest of them are about 11" tall. I got them off ebay for about £3 per big tree, which is a pretty sweet price compared to some other big manufacturers. Of course, when you're buying forty trees, that racks up quickly.

The bases are MDF circles from Sarissa Precision. They were attached with a hot glue gun, and then textured with a mix of baking soda and PVA before getting a coat of white spray primer.

In other news, Clan Voltik have finally emerged from the loathsome pit once called Hergig. They've been digging up the banks of the River Kiefer looking for iron. Feeling that this was not the best news ever, the army went in to put a stop to it, and failed miserably on account of being assailed by all the rats.

Skaven: like being attacked by a carpet full of rusty needles.

The army retreated in a (vaguely) orderly fashion back to Fort Schippel, and put a nice red mark on the map in case anyone forgot that the Kiefer Valley is now full of whiskers, fur, and toiling rat-slaves.

Since we haven't updated the campaign map on the blog for some time, here it is:



There's loads of developments on it, some of which will be covered in issue 2 of the Hochland Gazette. When I get around to writing it.

~Charlie

Drag Queens and Sprue Trebuchets

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Due to popular request ('popular' meaning one person asked, and I'm a pushover) today's post brings you something special. Something dreamy. Something that tried to apply make-up atop a galloping love pony. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Precious, the Brettonian Drag Damsel!




Frequent readers may remember Mary, John's K'Daai Destroyer. Well, this is one of his more eccentric creations. Some of you may be wondering why John felt the need to create a Brettonian Drag Queen (others may have thought 'why not?') and amazingly, there's actually a perfectly good reason.

Many moons ago - indeed, at the very beginning of this blog, in January 2012 - I wrote:
"John bounced up to me with the sort of childish glee that only a burly, six-foot Kung Fu teacher can, and asked if I’d team up with him to take part in GW Oxford’s doubles tournament on 7th February. Each entrant was allowed to use the contents of any one Warhammer Battalion box."
Just the Battalion box. Whatever you could carve, bodge, sculpt and convert. Make it as hench as possible. So obviously, a level 4 damsel using the Lore of Life would be pretty nifty. Problem was, there weren't no wimminz in the box.


Yes, that's a cigarette in her right hand. She fashioned
the hand-mirror out of her favourite frying pan.

John figures Precious was once a boy of such incredible raw talent that he was taken in by the Lady of the Lake. Rather than breaking down gender stereotypes and becoming the first male wizard in Brettonia, he got a bit confused, and assume he had to become a lady to do the job.

Dem hips. Dat ass.

You can actually see photos of her beehive hair at the sculpting stage in a post from February 2012: The 'Lady' of the Lake.

Aside from sculpting her cracking rack, I can claim no further credit. John is also hesitant to claim any credit, since his painting skills have seen significant improvements over the last few years. That, and he did a deliberately terrifying job with the face paint.

Why so seriousss?

Other hilarious achievements of that army included the trebuchet built entirely from sprue, the chains from the archer's stakes, and a bit of string.


The important thing is that it was built out of sprue from the battalion box. Nifty, no?


In case you're wondering, Precious pretty much won the tournament for us.

We'll be back soon, possibly with some retrospective stuff on 2013. Maisey in particular has been a busy, busy bunny.

~Charlie

2013: A Year of Nerdery - Part1

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So 2013 is over, 2014 has begun. So what did we all do in 2013 and what do we want to do in 2014?

Maisey:

Well, it started off kinda busy, with a massive painting effort to get my Dark Angels up to 2k for the Nerd Thunder event. Then I went a bit further with them, and they ended the year at a respectable 2.4K of stuff. Which isn't too bad since I haven't touched them since March. The middle of the year was a bit of a hobby drought for me. There was some mild flings with Dark Eldar (I really shouldn't have painted them yellow) and some more Space Marines (I think I've had my fill of power armour, for now) but neither really took off for me and have been shelved.





The Vampires, well we all know that they have been growing fairly fast and the back end of the year I kicked back into gear. I managed to actually finish off a bunch of units and gather in the next lot of dead things. I finished the year at a tasty 4.5k of Vampires.

 



















Also, I've managed to churn out 500pts of German Bolt Action troops as well. These being Heer Grenadiers.




Since Neither the Dark Angels or Vampires existed when we started this blog I'm really impressed with myself that I've managed to paint nearly 7k of models in 24 months without getting too distracted. They don't look too bad either.

Looking forward to 2014, well there is certainly going to be more Vampires on the menu, and a secondary Fantasy project involving Ogres (more on that later). The Bolt Action is certainly going to get some more love and I've got the next 500pts for Heer planned, and I know I want to do 500pts of Fallschirmjägers (Paratroopers for those who's German is rusty) at some point soon. As for 40k, well the butterfly still hasn't landed on anything that grabs me by the lapels and screams PAINT ME!!!... I'm sure something will turn up. I hear rumours that the Imperial Guard get a new book this year.

Jeff:

2013 kicked off for me with the Campaign week of awesomeness and mucho gaming. For this I had been feaverishly painting all the Dwarfs ever. 2012 had been dominated by the stunty beard wearers and so was the opening few months of 2013, rangers, miners and artillery. As campaign week hit I finally had the entire plan that I started in June of the previous year finished. Ahhhh.



After the campaign week we were kinda casting around for the Next Big Thing. We posited some sort of Dark Eldar multi-user mashup, none of us really got to grips with that. Then I got very, very excited about Inq28.


 And accompanying Grey Knights


But that didn't go anywhere really either, eventually we realised that the Next Big Thing was going to be playing with the results of the Last Big Thing! We've done tons of warhammer gaming and a fair number of more roleplay style sessions helping to cement characters and build the world we inhabit. Of course, me being me, I couldn't let it be just that so into the campaign world strode Rhagat king of all the goblins:


(just don't let them know that's what he thinks of himself as, we'll have trouble with Skarsnik...). His horde has grown considerably over the year and is teetering on the edge of completion. Hopefully I'll be able to complete it before gobbo fatigue shuts the project down.



Toward the end of the year I was fooling around with Dwarfs again, building new characters to expand the army and waiting for the rumoured new army book just around the corner before I go any more stunty crazed! This is definately going to be part of 2014's mission.



So, 2014 then? What's in it for me? Well, a lot of upheval for one, I still don't know exactly what the year holds employment/college wise so it is difficult to make too many real plans. That leaves lots of time for wurbling about hobby plans as distraction, huzzah! Amongst the schemes rattling around in my head. Well, first, the Night Gobbos really don't have many more to do before the original workometer is complete. I've got some expansion ideas (ALL HAIL TOADSQUIG) but I really want to get the solid core of the army done and dusted. That does mean painting 10 more bleedin' spiders but I shall head down and power through it. I'll likely finish the Grey Knights too as they were always designed as a small allied army and will be useful when we get a 40k yen back.

Next, well, there's allegedly a new Dwarf book on the horizon, I think the likelihood of new core troops is somewhere between slim and none so I'll still be in my warrior quandry but doughtless there will be some new shinies and reorganising to be done. There's plenty of Dwarf yet to paint. My addiction over the years means that well ain't going to run dry soon...There will certainly be more characters and the Stormborne Impossible Mission Force - Stromni's gang of mad-hard rangers that have been used as somewhere between the SAS and James Bond in the roleplay sessions.

But what of the new. this is me! Captain Butterfly Brain! There must be some new on the horizon! Well, there is, firstly, Maisey introduced me to Bolt Action and I thought it a splendid little game. Cheap too, so I'm dipping my toe into the frosty waters of the Red Army. I've got the best part of 500 points almost painted and I'll see if it goes further than that. Next, another new Warhammer army I think. This time, the Dark Elves. I've loved 'em for a long time and they've finally, finally fixed the core troop models. I'll be doing some test painting to check that they are a go-er but I suspect that the tiny numbers involved (seriously, 1000 points is not even one of my gobbo archer units and a horde...) might make it a real possibility.

2013: A Year of Nerdery - Part 2

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The last post was all about Maisey and Jeff showing off what they painted last year. Well this post is all about me showing off what I should’ve painted in 2012.

That’s right, I’ve finally finished the 2k army that was meant to be finished a year ago. Who da man...?

...Never mind. Here’s two thousand points of Hochlanders:


At the start of 2013, I had 37 models left to paint before the Blades of Taal and the Flagellants were finished. The flagellants were featured in Cult-o-Matic 9000, whilst the Blades were finished about a week ago:


Actually, looking back at what you’ve done over the last year can be quite surprising. At any given moment, I generally feel like everyone else is achieving more than me, but it turns out, I made a fair bit in 2013, it just wasn’t army-shaped; there were random side projects - things painted for one-off scenarios and suchlike.


And, of course, I added a battle standard and a jade wizard to the Hochlanders.


And actually, I produced quite a lot of scenery (by my standards).



The fact that deadlines work is nothing new, but 2013 definitely taught me that long-term deadlines are too abstract. I’m a sprinter, not a long-distance runner. Most of the things I did happened within the two weeks leading up to an event, which means I need to use that to my advantage in 2014.

Anyway, all this talk of productivity and targets and so forth is missing the point: 2013 was a damn good time. Whilst playing lots of games might not produce good blog material, it did mean that I had fun. Lots of it. There are a number of plans afoot for 2014, and even if only half of them come to fruition, this year promises to be even better than the last.

Bring it the fudge on. 

~Charlie

Beardy Young Men

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Hi folks, it's Jeff. In order to celebrate the first new dwarf models in ooh-gosh-ages and because my stunty excitement-o-meter is dinging at the top of the scale, I've been painting... yep, Dwarfs!


Recent events in the campaign have convinced me that I needed more heroes, especially a thane without a battle standard in hand to lead smaller armies. As I wanted to promote Dwalin to Runelord I also wanted a new Runesmith to take his place in the smaller actions. So here they are! I figured having two younger dwarfs - mere striplings, barely a century each - in the mix would make for some interesting roleplaying options too. A bit more devil-may-care optomism. So without further ado, lets meet them.


First up is Finbar Stormborne, Thane of Karak Hoch and son of Vindalf Stormborne (Hafnir's brother and army battle standard bearer). As the king's nephew he's been promoted as rapidly as decency allows and is now leading small expeditionary forces to prove himself worthy of his rank. I imagine he has to put up with rather a lot of "well, if you say so" from the older members of the hold.

The model for Finbar is one of those that always needed a 360 image to be impressive. From any one angle it kinda looks odd but when you can see the whole thing he's got a nice dynamic stride going. He's going THAT WAY and everyone needs to follow him. Like all one-piece castings (well, two, the hammer is separate) there are a few places where compromises have to be made but for the most part. A lovely figure. Painting wise, nothing much remarkable about either of these two. I'd made the conscious descision to make them as youthful as possible so no grey hair, pink skin. Otherwise, they're dwarfs! All beard and armour and cloak!


Berwyn Chamonbind is up next. In my "Jeff's Expanded Dwarf-fluff" Runesmiths take a new name on finishing their training, severing old family ties and serving the hold. Hence Gravenrune for Dwalin and in this case Chamonbind, Chamon being the magic wind of metal. I liked the idea of a runesmith wrestling this wind into weapons and armour and beating closed the runes that would allow it to escape. I think of this stuff, go with it. Berwyn was apprentice to Dwalin and has only just recieved his runestaff. It's why he looks so chuffed to be holding it. Berwyn will be taking on the day to day magical protection duties for Karak Hoch's armies while Dwalin focuses on studying the mysteries of the old hold and advising the king.

So, slightly big Dwarf-news finally confirmed today. WE GET NEW STUFF! [happy-stunty-dance] Owing to GW's new release schedule we won't be seeing the army book probably till the end of the month (boooo) but today we see some of the prettiest Dwarfs to leave HQ in many a year. I am already justifying the cost of replacing my current longbeards with the new ones. The plan is to send the current Ancient Mariner unit to Karak Timotai for a "youthening" - i.e. paint their beards anything but grey - and recast them as a regular warrior unit. The fancy models will be explained away by their being higher caste dwarf warriors. No difference in the rules. Just richer. Oh, and that new Slayer? He will be mine. That thing is gorgeous. I've already got a nifty Hasslefree sculpt as a hero level slayer, he's just going to have to be a lord I think...

I'm going to do an article when the book comes out about the process of reassessing an existing army in light of new rules and suchlike. It won't be one of those "waah, I've not played one game but I can already see that they've ruined everything"whinefests reviews that you see. Instead it'll be reassessing what the units I have will be used for now, recasting characters as all their wargear will have to be changed - but I'll be keeping the "feel" of each one - and plotting and scheming for the future. Until then

TTFN

Blood, Sweat and Flab...

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Hello everyone!

Last time I posted Jeff and I were sharing what we have done in the past and I briefly mentioned that I was looking at doing some Ogres. Why Ogres? Well, simply, I wanted something very different to my Vampires, and what can be more different to a horde of Zombies than a small band of huge, sweaty, violent Ogres. In true Beard Bunker style the first thing I set about doing was writing some back story. I wanted to set out the feel of the army before even thinking about getting the first models in. So without further ado, I give you the Readers Digest Condensed History of the Offlandz Protectorers!* 

*(for those of you not so interested in story there are some pretty pictures below if you wanted to skip down)

The Offlandz Protectorers were originally a nomadic tribe by the name of the Onefinger tribe, named after their digitally challenged leader, Nargutt. The Onefingers wandered into the Empire state of Ostland where they started making a nuisance of themselves, pillaging villagers, raping cattle etc. Baron Gustav von Wolder of Salkalten lacking the troops to fight off the ogres, needed a cunning way out. An advisor suggested that the put the ogres on the payroll and employ them as a standing force to deal with roving bands of marauders, beastmen and other ogres that had been plaguing the region. Baron von Wolder sent messengers to Nargutt Onefinger with an invite to open contract negotiations. Nargutt sensing an easy ride on the gravy train, agreed to meet. However, the negotiations didn’t go very far in Nargutt’s favour, mostly because of the careful wording from the Baron and his advisors, but partly down to Nargutt’ lack of digits prevented him counting higher than 6. This didn’t prevent an agreement being reached. The Onefingers would receive a annual payment in gold and a monthly tithe of foodstuffs from the town. With the contract signed and counter smeared by all parties, the Onefinger tribe setup camp outside the town.

As part of the deal the tribe received a stock of cloth in the state colours to make themselves uniforms to cement their allegiance to Salkalten and Ostland. Several years passed and the tribe grew fat and comfortable. The frequency of raids in the area kept them busy enough to slake their need to smash someone up but there was nothing taxing enough to make them look elsewhere and the supply of food and drink kept them lazy. These days of plenty where sadly numbered. The chaos invasion of the empire brought them to a close. Onefinger, bound by their contract to defend Salkanten had little choice but to dig in with the human garrison and weather the storm.

The little town avoided the main thrust of Archaon’s army and only faced outriders and small raiding parties. However the Onefingers held the town and the prevented huge amounts of damage that had been dealt to other towns and cities in the region. After the defeat of Archaon the scattering of his armies have kept the Onefingers busy. The Baron in gratitude declared them to be the Protectors of Ostland and promised a large bonus into their annual payment (he was unspecific to which one). The tribe took this new name to heart and started referring to themselves as the Offlandz Protectorers (most people ignoring the mis-pronunciation out of ‘politeness’).

So with that in mind I dived into the first unit. Being as I am I always hit up the core choices first. I can proudly present Yarg's Raging Bulls!


Yarg first rose to take over as the Crusher of the Bulls after he accidentally got involved in a Empire led mission to stop a necromancer from bringing back a potent Vampire. Yarg had gotten lost after chasing a Gor herd away from Salkalten. He was sitting down minding his own business when an Empire Captain approached him. Impressed by the shiny armour and very tall feathered helmet he (vaguely) remembered that he was under contract with the Empire and decided to be good and help out the Captain. He smashed a lot of green things. Then smashed a lot of dead things. The captain said that Yarg did good, which made him happy, even after he lost his favourite cow carcass, which had made him sad. 

After the battle Yarg felt he should return to his tribe and set off in search of them. On his return he asserted his new found confidence as the Captains favourite and thumped his way to dominance amongst the bulls. 
Flappy the standard holder
The units bellower, Colin

Next I'm planning on getting a unit of Leadbelchers painted up. Can't go wrong with a bit of self propelled artillery.

Until then, take it easy.

Maisey

Golden Orc-petunity

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Hi peeps! As with all things like this, an introduction is a good place to start. I am Lucy, otherwise known as Mrs PVP (Jeff's missus). I have been around the hobby for as long as I've known Jeff (a scary 17 years) and up until recently I've never really jumped in with both feet. I'd always enjoyed painting the odd figure more than the actual gaming. Having been around the Beard Bunker boys (and now girls!) for almost 7 years I've been gradually pulled into the gaming side of the hobby and it is time for First Army; So here come the Boyz!


So, why Orcs? I don't know what exactly drew me to Orcs in the first place, maybe the squigs? Maybe the background? Or perhaps it was just the mad amount of fun and unpredictability that surround the Orc armies. You never know what your boyz are going to do from one turn to the next, an excellent excuse for defeat for a novice general... Plus, they tend to just look AWESOME en masse.


This was the first (and indeed only) unit I painted, some time ago, when I was first trying to build an army. I hadn't quite sparked my interest for playing at this point so the army didn't progress any further. I've no idea how I painted them or what colours I used I'm afraid as it was a while ago and it was the old paints anyway (some might have even been the paints before last!). I'm working on another unit now and I'll be able to tell people how I do it then! It'll be interesting to compare finished colours between oooold paints and the new ones. One of the things I can talk about is banners. I think I'd finished the units banner before any of the actual models! I love the imagery of the Orc Glyphs, I have an interest in tribal symbols and pictograms so the wonderfully colourful and basic patterns of the Orcs are great to paint. This banner was done freehand from a sketched design on paper first, I've got a background in illustration so this sort of thing is fun for me. Of course, you might have noticed a really surly bloke in the middle of the unit. Time to introduce:


Zogfang Goldeneye! I have been in love with this model ever since I saw it on the Game Day promotional material, I had to have him! He's just all attitude, the pose, the look on his face, everything about him just oozes confidence with a lot of Badassery on top. He is the general of my army, a Black Orc with an astounding lucky streak. He took a handgun bullet to the face that tore out his right eye. The model has a scar extending under the eyepatch across the top of his head. To replace it he found the first eyeball shaped trinket he could find. This turned out to be the arcane focus of a Celestial wizard that he'd just finished killing. Since then, Zogfang has always been able to see that little bit into the future. We're counting it as the Gold Sigil Sword (Initiative 10) and giving him a lucky streak in his backstory. I'll write more about this story and his intentions another time.


Zogfang isn't alone in his wanderings, he has his faithfull core of trusted Black Orcs (unpainted, more of those later!). Zogfang doesn't really trust anything paler than a Black Orc, only a very special few of the greenskinned Orcs make it into his inner circle. One of these is a tiny shambling shaman. Wurrlag Boneseeker. This is another one of the models that I really like and I loved painting him. The models that I have seen in other places have had him in very dark robes, I just don't think black suits him. Black would suggest he had access to good material, I saw him more in tattered, worn, leather robes and the occasional flash of colour that he could steal from battlefields. Also in other paint schemes, I have seen the bone staff as pure white with a small bit of tan colour for shading. Only bones that are left out in Death Valley and Arizona and places like that are pure, sun-bleached white. Bones that have been in the ground or in the air go pitted and dark brown (Jeffnote: Lucy trained as an Archaeological Illustrator and has handled many bones and bone objects. She assures me, she knows what she is talking about).

Wurrlag's main job is predicting the future for Zogfang, he seems to genuinely hear the voices of Gork and Mork and interprets their messages through the casting of bones. The Boneseeker comes from his tendency to acquire new bones from worthy, powerful or interesting foes. His staff is actually a giant's femur (we measured it against the kit!) and he blends the bones together as needed "ooh, need to know the weather, where's that shadow wizard rib I got...". Again, more on his story another time. I'll do an introduction to the army and what the hell it's doing in Hochland soon.

I'm still getting re-acquainted with unit painting (I'm a single figure painter at heart), I have a wyvern I really want to paint and mean ol' Jeff is using it as a carrot to get me to paint my first 1000 points of troops. He's put it on a really high shelf (Jeffnote: Lucy is really small...) so I had better get to it! I'll keep you updated with progress. Many thanks for reading.

Lucy

Jeff Note:

Lucy is in a really weird position. She's very much a beginner in the hobby, but one with a decent amount of artistic talent and almost two decades of hobby lore rattling in her head courtesy of my obsessions. She's surrounded by players who've been at this a long time, who have ridiculous sized armies and who understand the terminology and rules as though born to them (she didn't get to see our own bewildered beginnings). As a result she can get properly frustrated at percieved lack of progress because she forgets what a frankly epic achievement painting your first 1k of warhammer army is. I'm trying to help her get over problems without drowning her in info she just doesn't need yet. It's a big thing for experianced players to figure how to help newer ones. We tend to want to vault over all that tedious (to us) baby steps and into the THIS IS COOL stuff. We can't, we've got to help and support so that overwhelmed quitting isn't the outcome. Here's hoping I succeed!

TTFN

Review: Army Painter vs. Citadel spray primer

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Wow, this has to be the most exciting post ever placed upon the Beard Bunker. A review of spray paints? Ermagahd. Youtube and its legions of kittens have nothing on me. Nothing.

Dem nozzles

My foray into Army Painter’s primer sprays was brought about by the desire to pay less money than GW are currently asking for their primer spray. I find it hard to believe that the cost of manufacture has increased 50% in the last four years, but their price tag has. </bitter sarcasm>

Dem cans

Army painter spray: plus points
It’s cheaper, and they do a wider range of colours than Citadel.

Army painter spray: the drawbacks
The black is glossy. Not seriously glossy, but glossier than satin varnish. This means paint doesn’t stick to it very well. The process of drybrushing was actually rubbing paint off the model. This is a problem for a primer.

The green, while less glossy, had an inconsistent texture. Andy of Iron Legion fame is using their yellow spray for his 'nids, and whilst he’s happy with the results he’s getting, apparently the yellow spray can be a little runny. But hang on... runny? That’s a thing that spray paint can be?

Citadel spray: plus points
It works.

Citadel spray: the drawbacks
It costs more.

Draw whatever conclusions you want from that. Suffice to say I’ll carry on with Citadel until someone tells me about something of equal quality but superior value.

So anyway, once I settled on the Citadel green spray, I gave it a go on a tester model for the Imperial Guard army I’m sortof slowly starting:


The armour and gun casing are literally just Caliban Green spray with some silver weathering, whilst the fatigues are easier to paint off a green base than black, funnily enough.

...in other news, a regular gaming night has started to take place in the Beard Bunker, with the attendant influx of new participants in the campaign. The Skaven in the image below were recently driven out of the Middle Mountains by the Stormbournes, and attempted to plunder Koerin in search of food.


Since Cara Thiele was in my army, I figured she wasn’t going to muck about when defending her hometown. At least, that’s my excuse for riding rough-shod over Andy’s army, which was rather unsporting of me given that he’s new to Fantasy. Next time I’ll take him on with Skazzwuzzle’s lot – that way, no matter how hard I try, Andy should get to savour the sweet, sweet taste of victory, and I’ll laugh my ass off for a few hours.


~Charlie

Empire Battle Wizards: now with bangles

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As previously mentioned, I'm slowly painting one Empire battle wizard from each of the eight lores of magic. This time, it's an Amber Wizard: Febe Hasenkamp.


The colour scheme might not seem particularly suitable for a member of the Amber College. That's deliberate; Febe's too cheerful a character to wear nothing but brown, and she doesn't like people being able to tell she's a wizard just by looking at her. People are less friendly when they know you're a magic user.


In case you're wondering, the model (like Cara) is from Hasslefree Miniatures. The original model was a bit more saucy:


That was a bit too fruity for the character I had in mind, so I sculpted bonus clothes.


It took me a while to find a colour scheme I was ok with. At first I was going for ginger hair, and a more traditional amber/brown palette, but it just wasn't working. Likewise, her dress was originally a pale yellow, and that didn't work either. In the end, I settled for blue. Can't say it's my best paint job, but whatever... I'm basically happy with the overall effect.


Backstory wise, no-one in Hochland's ever heard of her. She might be new to the province, or she could've been hanging out in the wilds, as Amber wizards often do. She doesn't stay in one place for long, and whilst she's quick to make friends, she's also pretty flaky and rarely commits to anything, so I doubt she'll end up being the intimidating-yet-heroic figure that Amelia was before her disappearance.

In case you're curious about the size compared to a Games Workshop figure, here's her next to Oskar:


Next up? The Lore of Shadows, probably.

~Charlie

Puds the Ogre

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Regiments of Empire Free Company seem like the perfect opportunity to have some slightly bonkers models sharing a movement tray. They aren’t members of the military, they don’t have to have uniforms, and they don’t all have to be human. This here dreamy princess is an ogre known to his friends as ‘Puds’ (short for Puddings). He’s got a bit of a sweet tooth.


He’s effectively unit filler – taking the place of four free company dudes – and was an excuse to have a go at painting a model I’d never painted before.

Mmmm, crusty blood.

Whilst I like elements of the ogre sculpt (the trousers and the mongolian boots are rather charming) the shoulders just look wrong. They’re crazy angular, and have really obvious joins. On top of that, the muscle definition is... enthusiastic. Well, if you don't like something, why not change it?


The shoulders got rounded off and shaved down a little before the putty went on. I also added a full head of hair, since I figured not every ogre could be bothered with a daily shaving routine. Since Puds has spent pretty much all of his life wandering around the Empire, I figure he's just gone native with his beard styling.



And another thing: ogres have hair. The models have moustaches, beards, top knots, and so on... but no eyebrows. What, do they shave them off and eat them? Glue them onto rocks and give them pet names? WHY DON’T THEY HAVE EYEBROWS?

Eye browed this!

A valuable lesson was also learnt concerning Vallejo paints: don’t water them down too much! I tried to turn Cayman Green into a wash and slopped it over five layers of carefully blended grey on Puds’ trousers, at which point it went gloss, hid all the paint underneath it, and made me sad. In the end I just had to go back over the whole lot and do it again. Vallejo: great colours, nice to use, just don’t employ them as anything other than straightforward paint.


The Free Company so far. Woo eight models woo!

Future plans for the rest of the Free Company regiment include a bear, a glockenspiel, a sculpting armature (yay masochism) and at least one model sculpted in 1985. I still have no idea what I’m going to use for a banner. Might not take one. We’ll see.


~Charlie 

Interior decorating for tiny people

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In the eight months between then and now, the interior detail (not to mention the little bits of resin furniture) sat on my shelf looking sad. As much as they all looked very pretty, I didn’t have any impetus to finish them. It’s not like you need a cheese board for games of Warhammer.

Moreover, having the interior detail didn't seem that useful for roleplay scenarios; I only tend to want a visual representation of the area when the environment or number of characters is too complex to keep track of in the mind’s eye... and that seems unlikely to happen in a one-room cottage.

Once I started painting the interiors, though, I got really into it. Given the sharpness and quality of the models, it was easy to get a satisfying result using pretty basic techniques.

First up, here’s the inside of the cottage:




Somewhat ridiculously, there was a point where I found myself painting emulsion paint on the interior walls of a miniature building. Why? Because when we were painting our desert board, I got a tester pot of bleached bone mixed up at Homebase, and it was pretty useful for slapping a basecoat down for the plaster. Follow it up with a white drybrush and then line in the cracks with a mix of Vallejo Earth and bone, and the walls were all set.

In case you’re interested, the wood was an oh-so-basic basecoat of Vallejo Charred Brown, a drybrush of Vallejo Earth, and a final very minimal drybrush of Citadel’s Pallid Wych Flesh.

Finally, here’s the interior of the townhouse:






Mmmm, rustic.


~Charlie 

We'll Keep Da Red Hood Flappin' Here

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If there is one thing I love most about campaign gaming, it is the daft side plots that develop. The unit champions that seem to be invulnerable. The characters that don't get on and never seem to pass leadership tests while fielded together. Sometimes it's just memes and in-jokes that take on a life of their own. The Popular Goblins' Front are one of these that has not only taken on a life of their own but are actively expanding almost beyond our control:

It'll never heal if you picket...

This all started during a game where Charlie and I combined our respective goblin hordes: my (mostly) competent Bitter Moons and the collection of incompetence and infighting called the Bloo Moons. During deployment I assigned Joodee the Shaman to a regiment of Bloo Moons with a certain degree of trepidation. I was right to be worried. After taking the bare minimum of casualties to justify their fleeing (25% break test from shooting) they turned tail and fled. Taking my shaman with them. All the way off the table. We decided that they were some kind of splinter cell of the Bloo Moons, The Popular Goblins' Front, who had kidnapped my shaman. We wound up running a scenario to rescue Joodee but the PGF were well and truly born. Since then, we've blamed the PGF for all sorts of in game effects. A unit fails three animosity tests in a game? Clearly PGF involvement. Fanatics go off the rails and destroy our units? PGF Sabotage. So strong is this increasingly involved story that I had to make these guys. Finally I came up with a reason to do so. Animosity markers! When a unit fails an animosity test I'll use these guys to mark it so I don't forget.


These are not a terribly complex set of conversions. Just snip off the top of spears or add shafts in place of bows. Drilling and pinning a small section of movement tray plastic made a placard. Then rectangles of paper thin plasticard are roughed up with a scalpel and glued on. Finally, thin discs cut from plastic rod are glued on to represent nails. The wider banner is handled the same way only instead of a placard it is glued directly to the shafts and then heat is applied to bend it into the correct shape.


Painting goes in the exact same way as the regular night gobbos but with red hoods to indicate their socialist fervour. The red is shaded with brown to make it dirtier and more desaturated.


Planking is not only an irritating and out of date internet wotnot, it's also making a plain piece of plasticard look like woodwork. It's easier than it looks. Vallejo Beige Brown forms the basecoat, adding Vallejo German Camo Black-Brown leaves a dark tone to paint in thin lines to delineate the individual planks. Then mix more Beige Brown with Vallejo Deck Tan (to be honest, pick a brown, make it darker with dark brown, make it lighter with bone tones) to paint on thin streaks of wood-grain. Wibbly lines work better than perfect straight ones, occasional loops, whorls and knots give a more believable feel. Finally a glaze of Agrax Earthshade finishes the tone.

Finally I perverted a few common far left, anarchist and anti-war slogans to a more goblin tone and painted them on. Examples include:

Evryfink fur Evrywun and Nuffink fur Arselves... wait...
All Gobbos is One fat Gobbo
All Power to tha Soshulist Orker
No waaagh but the class waaagh
Fight da boss not iz wars
Da Control of Teef is control of life
Da rich gobbo knows da poor are his slaves
1,7,9,4 we don't want your feckin' war

and my favourite: Drink Coffee, Proper Tea is Theft

These will now be used to mark a unit which is either in an official work stoppage ordered by the Goblin's Popular Front (squabble) or in a fight with a rival branch - the Popular Goblin's Front, the Front of Goblin Populists, whoever - representing the "Get 'Em!" result. I can also tell that this is not going to be the end of this. The Popular Goblin's Front will almost certainly get bigger. They're only supposed to be animosity markers. But I can already see more in the future. A whole unit probably.

And that's why I love campaign games.

TTFN

Because, we shoot to kill and you know we always will

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It's a Bomber!
It's a Bomber!
It's a Bomber!

Ahem, Thanks Lemmy. 

Hello all.

It’s been a while since I last stuck anything up on the Bunker. I have been doing hobby stuff (I promise) but I've been very remiss about turning it into posts here.

So, to prevent Charlie and others propping up the bunker on their own; I've decided to stick some of my stuff up.

One of the reasons that I haven’t posted for a while is because I've spent a lot of my hobby time working on a major project that isn't yet complete. My original plan was to post once the project was complete… However, that would be a very long post and the project is still a long way from being finished.
So, this is a ‘progress so far post’, done in a slightly retrospective manner.

My interest in 40K has taken a pretty savage nose dive since the *arbitrary* new *moronic* 6th edition *inconsistent* rules came in. I hate the current 40K rules and I may put up a whining post at some point as to why I am so out of love with 40K.

Whilst I have very little patience for 40K, I still have a lot of time for Orks.
I decided a long time ago to put together a Blasta Bomma – something about the idea of a massive plane shooting the battlefield to pieces with high calibre ordnance whilst dropping rocket propelled maniacs out of the back just appeals to the rampant Bad Moon in me.

The basic idea that I wanted to work to was the A10 thunderbolt:
  
Thank you Wikipedia.

Which is a Blasta Bomma in its own right

As such, the premise was to build a straight winged plane with a twin upright tail plane, two dorsally mounted engines and a **** off massive rotary cannon at the front – the deff arsenal.
Having thought about it for a bit, I also decided to build retractable landing gear so that it looked sleeker in the air and plausible on the ground. 
It would also let me choose to use the plane either as a playing piece or as a piece of terrain / objective.
In retrospect, deciding to go with the landing gear has made my life considerably harder.

I had the basic shape in mind and had an idea about construction – a skeleton made out of rectangular profile plasticard, supported by plumbing pipe. The engines would be attached using steel bolts and the wings by, er, something… maybe luck and gaffer tape?

If you can't fix it with gaffer tape, you're not using enough. 


This brings me onto project planning.
Whilst making my own bomma, I have been following Red Jacks log about the construction of his Blasta Bomma here: Red Jack's Bomma Log
(Well, not strictly here, but on the now defunct WAAAGH! forums)

Red Jack obviously kept his design much closer to the Forgeworld Blasta Bomma from Aeronautica Imperialis (sorry, can’t find a decent picture of it) than I did. He also planned the majority of his build straight from the get go.

When putting conversions together, I tend not to do significant planning prior to beginning work. This is partly a function of laziness but it also gives me much more latitude to adapt what I'm doing as I go along and as the mood takes me. I think it also helps for Ork stuff as it can give a useful cobbled together look.
I'm not saying I'm right to do scratch building and conversion work in this manner - I sometimes have to take very hard decisions to undo what I've previously done because it ‘won’t work that way’ – but it is one way that it can be done.

So that was a big wall of text wasn’t it? Onto the actual building part.




This is the beginning of the skeleton in the vice. The fuselage ring ribs were the first things I made (back in 2011). These were glued into pre-cut slots in the fuselage pipe with 2 part epoxy adhesive.
The engines are bolted into a right angled steel V inside the fuselage pipe.
At this point I already had a flight stand for the plane and the receiving part of the stand (a captive nut in a steel plate) was wedged into the fuselage pipe and glued in with epoxy adhesive.

You might say that it seems like a lot of faff to have the polyethylene plumbing pipe in the fuselage when I’m also assembling a rigid structure around the ribs.
And you’d be right; it is. Polyethylene is a pain to work with as the usual glues and paint I use won’t adhere to it as well as they do to polystyrene.

However, there is method to my incipient insanity, and the pipe is there to:
                                - provide a rigid monocoque core to the plane
                                - hold the mounting point for the flight stand end plate
                                - be a strong attachment point for the engines
                                                              


Next step was to reinforce the fuselage with longitudinal supports. I realised quite early on that the internals of the plane needed to be pretty damn solid. Once the final skin of the plane went on it would be impossible for me to fix the internals without destroying the exterior – an idea I am not keen on. The plane would also likely weigh a fair chunk so everything inside would need to bear some of that weight.

Wheels!
And speaking of which, this is the core of the plane with the landing gear attached.
The landing gear will have to support the entire weight of the finished plane, so all the pivots and axle points were reinforced with 1.5mm steel rod. The pivot points inside the plane were all bulked up for support and all abut the plumbing pipe. That way the pipe takes the forces of the structure away from the more fragile polystyrene skeleton.

Having thought long and hard about how to do the landing gear, I decided that simplest option was, well, achievable. Anything else (for me) would have been too complex and not strong enough. So the landing gear just swings up and down along the axis of the plane - simples.

The front wheel was offset (just like the A10’s) to give the impression of room inside the plane for the cannon’s firing mechanism and ammunition.

That’s it for now. This was a big post in a seemingly random order. I hope it is at least one of  interesting  and useful for all those of you out there planning hefty projects like this.


Next time, the plane will start to look a bit more like a plane…

Empire Battle Wizards: now with headscarves

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The lady in the image above is Elsa Gerhart, and she's the latest effort in my ongoing attempt to paint one wizard for every lore of magic. Previous entrants came with ovaries, bangles and herbs.

As her semi-clandestine vibe suggests, she uses the Lore of Shadow. As such, I wanted her to be far less conspicuous than the other wizards. The Grey College is in the poor quarter in Altdorf, and it seemed appropriate to have a model that could vanish in a crowd. Other than her skin tone, everything on this model is drab, neutral, and generally hobo-tastic.

Here's the above photo without all the Photoshoppery:



Elsa is actually a level three wizard, and a fairly senior member of her college. Why she's come to Hochland remains unknown; indeed, most people probably don't even know she's there.

The model is another Hasslefree sculpt, with one minor alteration: I sculpted a headscarf on. You can see the original sculpt here.


There's not much to say about the paint job; it's deliberately unremarkable. Some blending, some glazes, some dusty glazes and some drybrushing.

The next wizard on the hit list is an idiotic level one pyromancer, which will, I suspect, be slightly more conspicuous.

~Charlie

It's a Bomma! Part 2.

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Welcome back to the second instalment of the Blasta Bomma project log

It’ll seem like I've made a lot of progress since the last post - I haven’t (sad face). These posts are retrospective and any progress is progress that has happened in the past.
At some point, the progress in the past will become (in respect to this point of time) progress that happened in the future. Of course, the future progress will be past (or current) progress when I blog about it. If I report that progress that will happen in the future as if it were progress that occurred in the past; everyone will get confused. Also, I won’t be able to take photos of it unless I invent a tachyon camera. I don’t think I'm very likely to do that, because if I had done so in the future, I should already be receiving photos from it in the past, which is now; well, then.   And I'm not, so I didn't, or won’t.

Well, I'm glad that’s all cleared up.

In respect of taking pictures: I haven’t done enough of that either. Some of what I have done, you can’t see in progress, so you’ll have to take my word for some things. Some of what I have done will happen in a big “yay, everything is complete now” plot jump thing.

Take me on your mighty wings
Bearing that previous comment in mind: wings have magically occurred. I deviated significantly from the A10 pattern on this - the wings ended up at the top of the fuselage rather than at the bottom.
This is for aesthetic and practical reasons.
       Aesthetic: I think it’ll look better this way.
       Practical: I couldn't put the wings at the bottom as there was nothing there to give much support to them.        - See previous comments on planning - or lack of.
The wings will be packing much ordnance, and I didn't want that ordnance to foul the ground when the plane was being used as scenery.

The wings will end up being heavy, so I wanted something more than plasticard at the core of them.
My second maxim states “If in doubt, apply copious MËTAL” and the black strip running through the plumbing pipe tube is a steel strip.
To stop the metal strip from moving laterally, the strip had two holes drilled in it at either side of the plumbing pipe and cotter pins made from steel rod inserted.
To cement the joint, two part epoxy resin (specifically Unibond Repair eXpress power putty) was moulded round the joint and this has set like granite. These wings aren't going anywhere.

To create the wing cross section shape, a template was made, cut and copied. A central section was removed from each for placement on the steel strip.
Channel strip was glued between the sections for strength and to prevent the sections from moving along the wing. When the plating is laid down on the wings (one of the final sections of the build) the sections will help to set the shape of the wing.

The tail section was also created at this stage. This was going to be much lighter than the wing and I was happy that plasticard alone would support the weight

Come on and let me see you shake that tail feather. 
The rest of the tail piece was built up with rectangular tubing for the flat sections and twin layered plasticard for the uprights. Again, the built sections will be scaffolding for later plating. Holes were left for me to build up the rudders later. 

I've perched Ug the Unpainted (an Ork boy) on top of the Bomma for scale. It's going to be a big 'un.

I've run out of rubbish captions. 

And that’s it for now. The Bomma is beginning to look a little like a plane.

The next post will be about the cockpit, which is retrospectively taking shape (has taken shape) in the the future (the past) nicely.


What goes whurr, chop, clank, zzap chop, clank, squeak?

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A rat on a steam powered death machine (Natch).

A bit like this one:

The Skaven Doom-flayer*
(* another classic Citadel ‘lottery of grimdark’ name)

Now, there’s nothing wrong with this model, apart from it looks a bit like the late and demented Dwarf Deathroller from Bloodbowl.
But... I think of the Doom-flayer as something that the rat has to sit in and carefully operate, rather than stand on and ride - more like a steam train than a cross between a lawnmower and a Segway.

So I had a little think, looked at the available ratty kits and decided that I could make a better (or at least, different) one from parts of the Doomwheel kit. Hopefully mine would look more suited to the battlefields of the old world than a crown green bowls field.

Although this seems hopelessly extravagant; (the Doomwheel kit costs £5.00 more than the Grinder) there are a number of advantages:

1. It means I don’t have to work with Finecast
2. I get to make a thing unique to my army.
3. I get a lot of spare bits to work with. I can then use these bits to make more ratty contraptions of doom. I like bits - maybe a bit too much. 
4. It'll be fun. 

I started, and as usual, forgot to take enough photos.



So this is the build, about 70% in. The cockpit area has been cut out of the Doomwheel kit and the rear steering wheel brought forward so that the contraption (just) fits onto a cavalry base.
I started with horizontally reciprocating blades at the front. These looked rubbish and I had to change them for something else - But what?  
The Ork in me wanted choppas; the rat in me wanted warpstone generator. The schizophrenic evil genius in me picked both.
As they say: That which doesn’t kill you, will electrocute you with mutagenic lightning.

Sweet, sweet mutagenic lightning.
Sweet, sweet choppas.


That seems sufficient to look like it can achieve what it is meant to achieve - i.e. messy and bloody death. 

I have a ‘thing’ when I’m doing conversions - I like to give the impression that the thing I’m building could work, and it doesn’t have to rely on hidden mechanisms or (even worse- magic).
 So, using micro surgery and much patience, I stuck together a rod system on eccentric drive wheels to drive the choppa mechanism. Here it is drying in the vice like grip of my reverse tweezers.



I painted it, and the finished contraption looks something like this:


Voltik's photographic helper 'Chudders'. Helps with scale and make-up. 

I took it out against Charlie’s Empire and it got shot, pretty much instantly. I was sad.

So that's it. Just as they say; If you're meglomaniacal and ruthless enough, you can make your army of minions achieve anything for your glory. Or something. 



Top Quality Advertainment!

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This is a shameless plug post. I make no apologies for it.

I recently had the pleasure of finding a new independent games shop in Middlesbrough: Asgard Wargames.

I'm a big fan of businesses setting up in town/city centres – I think that towns should be places for people to go and interact and do all those human things that just don’t really, well, work in retail parks or on the internet.

Anyhow, I found out about Asgard from the Faeit 212 blog.

(If you’re a wargamey person and haven’t come across Faeit 212 here it is: http://natfka.blogspot.co.uk/ )

Faeit 212 runs a ‘blog exchange’ and one of their chosen blogs was about starting up a games store. Imagine my astonishment to discover that this little Indy start-up was in my very own Middlesbrough. I work nearby so the very same day, I waved goodbye to the circus and popped down town. 

Gilkes Street's Premier Wargame Supplier

The owner greeted me, he was a thoroughly pleasant and engaging chap, and didn't once try to push a hard sale on me. He stocks some core GDub stuff as well as ranges from Mantic, Wyrd Miniatures, Privateer Press and Hawk Wargames.

I walked away with the Malifaux rulebook (I've been curious about Malifaux for a while) and left with new feelings about other ranges:

I'm very tempted by the Dropzone Commander (Hawk Wargames) stuff. As an old Epic 40,000 player, I'm genuinely excited to see a resurrection of small scale Sci Fi. There'snothing as satisying as advancing columns of tanks and massive war machines across the board. 

My biggest perception shift was with Mantic though – their stuff is a lot better than I thought. 
I had a quick game of Dreadball. By my definition I won (2:0 on fatalities) but technically I lost (6:2 on points).

This is my Orx bludgeoning a human into submission (as is right and proper)
Dreadball is a simple, fast paced game and the models are getting there…

Asgard have plans to run an old school Gorkamorka campaign as well and I'm all over that like a Labour peer over an expenses claim form.
Well, Asgard have a website here: http://www.asgardwargames.co.uk/and their blog is here: http://www.asgardwargames.co.uk/

I always advocate supporting bricks and mortar stores where you can*, but… If you’re going to order something on-lin, maybe you could order it from these chaps for a change, rather than wait a MONTH for a certain internet order company from Essex to send you two pots of paint (for example).

It’s been said by many different people in a variety of locations that we are currently in the golden age of wargaming. For various reasons (Kickstarter is one of them) there are a huge number of different companies out there, all producing miniatures and games (and the little pocket universes in which they exist) at a quality approaching or even equalling that of Games Workshop.
If these games or products are to take off; someone needs to display them, extol their virtues, sell them and get little communities gathering around playing with them.
I'm really happy that there’s another little company helping to do that. It’s a bonus that, as a corollary, they’re bringing trade and footfall to an otherwise quite depressed part of the world.

So that's it. Hope you don't mind the shameless plug, But I think this shop deserves to do well. 
Viva le Geek, Viva Le Boro.


* If someone’s going to take the business risk to have a high overhead store that a customer can come into and actually poke, prod, see and talk about the product that you’re buying and is going to be helpful and friendly about it – all of which is good for the customer – I think that someone deserves the customer’s support.



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