Wotcha! I’m Grinbad Oilsmirk and I’ll be your trukk salesman for the day. Honest trukks at honest prices! You won’t find better in Mektown. You definitely won’t find better down the road at Bozdakka’s Big Wheelz. Bloody thieves in there. You can tell because all their trukks is blue. The trukks in here? Top notch. They was made with a need. You know what need I mean, don’t you? Course you do.
Now you seem like an ork with teef. Probably got a mob of lads following you around, am I right? Need to get them into a good scrap without losing half of them on the way? Don’t worry mate, I’ll sort you out. Take a walk with me through the garage. Smell the passion. And don’t tread in what’s left of Pizzle, we ran over him this morning. ERGLI? ERGLI! WHY’S YOU NOT MOPPED UP PIZZLE? BEEN SNIFFING GLUE SQUIGS HAVE WE? SO HELP ME IF I DON’T SHOW YOU THE BACK OF MY HAND. Bloody told him. Sorry about that mate, right this way.
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| The Klassic |
First up we have the Klassic. No frills, unless you count the nitro and the kustom red rims. One careful owner. Nice and cheap. But I can tell by the way your nostrils is flaring that you don’t want bog standard. I isn’t saying you is cheap, you looks like a bigger than average nob who wants the best for his lads, am I right? Am I right? No, sorry, won’t nudge you again. Sorry. I know, we isn’t mates. Sorry. Nice choppa, that. Let’s move on.
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| The Beast |
This is the Beast. Liked it so much I even put me favourite skull on it. Heavier rig, with a high platform for a gunner so you can have dakka wherever you wants it. No guns actually mounted on it right now, but —well yes, our other trukks do all have guns. No, I en’t trying nothing on, this just gives you options. It’s not missing nothing, it’s about flexib… that really is a nice choppa.
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| The Scopa |
We call this one the Scopa. It’s a recon rig. See the extra stowage on the front there? It's also got a raised turret, perfect for long-range gitfinding. One nob, alone in the desert, the eyes and ears and nose of the warboss himself. I’ll even throw in some hand-held optiks if you like. You’re right, that is a humie ram. Tough construction, very reliable. What? No, I weren’t saying you’re a pansy what only likes scouting not fighting. You want front line, top-end boss trukks? Over here mate. I don’t offer these other two to just anyone.
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| The Speedsta |
This here’s the Speedsta. Fastest trukk in Mektown. One of the newest, too. Big shoota fitted as standard, slim lines so it goes more speedy, and extra protection for the engine. Solid kustom ram, too. It’s got some serious tricks under those armour plates; first time we got it up to speed I could feel me face flapping in the wind.
You seem pretty taken with it, mate. Is that a tear in your eye? I know, we’ve all been there. This is probably the trukk for you, but I’ve got one more to show you. Our heaviest. You like heavy? You like shooty? Right this way. Mind that oil spill. ERGLI! SORT THE ZOGGING SPILL OUT! Sorry about that. Oops, mind the low cable.
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| The Tuska |
Now this... this is the Tuska. You’ve got to be a real nob to buy this. Which you clearly is. Most people get distracted by the toothy ram, but I see you’ve got a good eye and you’re right, that is a humie rokkit launcher. All wired up to a big button so the driver gets all the fun. Spare ammo stored next to the driver to make up for the lack of aiming. Then there’s the kustom engine – a right grunter – and that means it’s got the heft to handle the extra armour. The semi-ard case keeps your lads safer but still lets them shoot their guns in the air and shout “Waaagh!”
So what’ll it be, mate?
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| The Suspension Spring Collection |
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Charlie: What this post means is that, in 2017, I finally finished my Speed Freak army. There’s no half-done orks left in the Box of Shame. I am a happy man.